“I deserve to make a lot of money.”
“It’s rude to discuss your salary.”
“I feel guilty after I make a big purchase.”
“I’m not smart enough to invest in the stock market.”
We all have stories we tell ourselves about money — most of them shaped by the experiences we’ve had, the cultures we were raised in, and the beliefs our parents reinforced.
If you were raised in a family that didn’t talk about money and budgeting, for example, you might believe the narrative that discussing finances is shameful. As a result, you might avoid bringing up money conversations with your partner as an adult.
Or, if you witnessed your parents experience job loss and face financial hardship as a child, you might believe that money is hard to come by, and therefore prioritize saving at any cost.
“Many of our money stories are internalized beliefs that exist in our subconscious. In other words, we don’t recognize that we feel that way until we start to question or uncover them as adults,” Alyssa Davies, author of the book Financial First Aid and co-host of the Money Feels podcast, said.
“You might internalize messages that only certain people are meant to be wealthy, and you’re not one of them. This can lead to self-sabotaging behaviours, avoiding opportunities for advancement, and accepting lower pay than you deserve.”
Internal money beliefs and behaviours
Research published in the Journal of Financial Therapy found that our personal feelings about money can indeed impact our behaviours and realities.
Our internal “money script,” a term coined by financial psychologists Ted Klontz and Brad Klontz, can affect the way we think about and relate to money in our lives. In 2011, the pair published research on money beliefs and identified four main money script categories: money avoidance; money worship; money status; and money vigilance.
According to their research, they found that people who are money avoidant might think money is bad or that they do not deserve money, and may feel anxious when topics related to finance are discussed or self-sabotage their financial well-being. Someone who has an internal “money worship” script might believe that the more money you have, the happier you are.
A person who believes that money is tied to status might think there’s an association between self-worth and net-worth, causing them to try to acquire more money than those around them. And someone who falls into a “money vigilance” script might be very concerned about having enough money, and even worry that “financial danger” is around the corner, the researchers found.
Davies said internal money narratives in general can affect us in big ways. For example, if we believe that we don’t understand money and avoid talking about it, we might lack the self-worth to create a budget, fill an emergency fund, or create and reach savings goals, she said. Or if constantly worry we won’t have enough money for the future, we might miss out on enjoying a much-deserved vacation.
This is why unpacking our internal beliefs can help us understand our money behaviours or patterns, and work towards making decisions that are more beneficial to our financial well-being, Davies said.
Financial health is part of our overall health
Money can be a big stressor for Canadians. Just like our physical health, our financial health contributes to our overall well-being. The 2024 Financial Stress Index survey, which is published by non-profit FP Canada, found that money continues to be the top stressor for 44% of Canadians surveyed, which is an increase from 2023 when the survey showed that 40% of Canadians said they were stressed over finances.
According to the survey findings, younger people surveyed are particularly stressed about finances, with half of Canadians under the age of 35 citing money as a top stressor, compared to 42% of those over 35.
One way to help reduce stress is to increase your financial literacy, which might mean challenging a narrative that money is intimidating or complicated, Davies said. Davies recommends being gentle with yourself in the process of examining and rewriting your money stories.
“If you’re trying to shift your money story, my advice is always to come from a place of curiosity,” she said. “Take your time questioning why you feel a certain way or questioning whether or not what you believe about your money situation is true.”
If your money story is that spending brings up a lot of guilt, for example, Davies recommends digging into why you feel that way. That’s because when we learn more about our beliefs, we’re better equipped to challenge them.
“Ask yourself if your belief is because of your upbringing, cultural beliefs, or past experiences. Once you understand the root cause, you can start to remind yourself that it can be okay to spend money on things that bring you joy and improve your well-being so long as they fit within your budget,” she said.
When we shift our internal narratives, we can find more opportunities to save money, grow our wealth, or chase opportunities, she said.
“Shifting negative money stories is crucial because these narratives often hold us back from achieving financial well-being and personal growth. A lot of us also have tunnel vision because we believe what we believe and we don’t know how to change,” Davies said.
“But as soon as we shift that thinking, we can start to reduce the cognitive load that financial pressures create. And that can help us make more effective financial decisions."
Davies says one of the positive stories she tells herself is that she can be trusted with money. She says this affirmation helps give her a more empowering mindset. “By reinforcing the belief that I am responsible and capable, I build confidence in my ability to manage and grow my finances wisely,” she said.
If you are interested in exploring your money behaviours and talking about your financial goals, consider reaching out to a TD Personal Banker who can arrange to meet with you to understand your financial objectives and what you are hoping to achieve. You can make an appointment here.
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