This story is part of our series on all things love and money. You can read more personal finance content from TD Stories here.

You have alert notifications set for when your favourite clothing brand launches a new collection. Your partner hasn’t bought new clothes in over a decade.

You like to splurge on fancy restaurant meals. Your partner feels guilty buying a new toothbrush.

Starting to sound familiar? Sometimes opposites attract, but when it comes to relationships, couples may find themselves with mismatched attitudes about money — which can take a toll over time.

A recent TD survey found that 71% of Canadians polled would consider breaking up with their partner if they discovered their partner was being dishonest about their finances, and 56% would contemplate calling it quits if their partner had bad spending habits.

But differences regarding the almighty dollar need not be cause for simmering conflict. The more that couples try to have open and honest discussions about money, the easier those conversations can become.

We consulted several relationship and finance professionals to learn more about the money conversations you should have before marriage that can help put you on the same page before you say “I do.”

Find out what money means to your partner

Most of the time, money conversations enter the picture after a couple has already fallen in love, meaning some bumps in the road are often inevitable. As long as the issues that arise aren’t flagrant financial deal breakers — which are up to you to define — relationship professionals say disagreements over money are often solvable. What’s more, having these conversations before marriage can help you better understand how your partner might approach money after a marriage.

“Any long-term relationship is a balance of differences,” said Tamara Lynn Robert, a Toronto-based registered psychotherapist who specializes in relationship issues. “Even when we have fundamental similarities that bring us together, there's going to be differences we have to learn to grow into.”

Damian May, a clinical social worker and couples' counselor based in Toronto, walks his clients through an exercise he calls “The Meaning of Money” aimed at uncovering the ways in which money has shaped each individual's worldview. For some, money is about stability and security. For others, it’s about status. For others still, it’s about quality of life.

“If you don’t understand what the meaning of money is with your partner, you will have a hard time finding consensus when you set your financial goals,” May said.

Learning more about where your partner is coming from can help increase your empathy towards their decision-making approach and get on the same page when it comes to managing your finances both now, and in the future.

Align your financial goals

Before making a serious commitment, it’s important that couples get aligned on what their future goals are, said Nicole Ewing, Principal, Wealth Planning Office, TD Wealth.

The first step is to define what you want to achieve and how that will look within your marriage. For example: what age do you want to retire? How many vacations would you like to take a year? Do you want to send your future kids to private school?

“You want to be as specific as possible,” Ewing said. “People mean different things when they say, ‘I want to have a comfortable retirement.’ But what does that actually look like? Don’t take anything for granted.”

Once the basics of a shared future have been hammered out, couples can begin to flesh out a framework for how to achieve those goals together.

"We" not "me"

Fights tend to materialize because one partner sees the other person’s needs as competing with theirs, but viewing money as “ours” instead of belonging to one person can help reinforce a partnership, May said.

"The most common fight I see is ‘your money, my money,’” May said. “I try to get clients to come to the idea of ‘we’ from the very beginning.”

May recommends couples consider opening a joint account as a way of increasing transparency about where each person’s money goes, if that’s suitable to them. He also suggests couples can pick a number, say $100, and agree to not spend more than that amount from their joint account without consulting their partner.

While opening a joint account is one way to do it, Ewing stresses that there are many options couples can choose from, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Some couples may opt to open a joint account only once they are married, or keep their accounts separate even after they get hitched.

“It may be that you have a certain amount of money that’s pooled in a joint account and then you have your own funds independently that you can do whatever you want with,” Ewing said. “It’s about getting to a place where you’re both comfortable.”

Make a plan

Once your goals are in alignment, Ewing recommends sitting down with a financial professional who can help you figure out the best way to work towards those goals. You can do this before you are married and during your marriage, too.

When faced with the reality that day-to-day habits might be compromising their future goals, a spender might need to figure out a way to economize. Or a saver may feel more confident spending on a honeymoon if an advisor points out that they can effectively budget for a vacation.

“Typically, we recommend working with an advisor because it just eases the whole process,” Ewing said. “They’re an objective third party whose sole job is to work with both of you to help you achieve the best financial position you can be in.”

TD Personal Bankers can also help clients set goals. Using TD Goal Builder, they can run clients through different options and help build a plan that works best for them as a couple.

Ewing stresses that financial professionals can help find solutions for couples that are tailored to their unique financial circumstances or goals.

“People tend to think, ‘I need to have X number of dollars before I do that,’ or ‘I don’t have enough wealth to speak to a professional,’ but TD has lots of different support models that can help clients at whatever dollar value they have," she said.

Check in regularly with your partner

Once you’ve made a financial plan or set financial goals, it’s important to revisit it periodically to make sure it’s still working for both of you. More than anything, money conversations come down to respecting your partner and being open and willing to address their needs, May said.

“Part of being married is finding consensus or compromise. Every couple should have a conversation about their budget and review it annually. Some may need to review it more regularly, such as every six months,” May said.

Occasionally, life can throw a wrench into your financial plans. Significant events such as the birth of a child, a job loss, or a death in the family can signal that changes need to be made to your financial plan.

“When you work with a financial professional, they can help you navigate these conversations and identify the key times when you should be revisiting your plan to see if any revisions need to be made,” Ewing said.

“You can leave it to them to set the check-in and timing — otherwise you might be stuck spending date night discussing finances.”