"I deserve to make a lot of money.”
“It’s rude to discuss your salary.”
“I feel guilty after I make a big purchase.”
“I’m not smart enough to invest in the stock market.”
We all have stories we tell ourselves about money — most of them shaped by the experiences we’ve had, the cultures we were raised in, and the beliefs our parents reinforced.
If you were raised in a family that didn’t talk about money and budgeting, for example, you might believe the narrative that discussing finances is shameful. As a result, you might avoid bringing up money conversations with your partner as an adult.
Or, if you witnessed your parents experience job loss and face financial hardship as a child, you might believe that money is hard to come by, and therefore prioritize saving at any cost.
“Many of our money stories are internalized beliefs that exist in our subconscious. In other words, we don’t recognize that we feel that way until we start to question or uncover them as adults,” said Alyssa Davies, author of the book Financial First Aid and co-host of the Money Feels podcast.
“You might internalize messages that only certain people are meant to be wealthy, and you’re not one of them. This can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors, avoiding opportunities for advancement, and accepting lower pay than you deserve.”
Internal money beliefs and behaviors
Alyssa said internal money narratives in general can affect us in big ways. For example, if we believe that we don’t understand money and avoid talking about it, we might lack the self-worth to create a budget, fill an emergency fund, or create and reach savings goals, she said. Or if constantly worry we won’t have enough money for the future, we might miss out on enjoying a much-deserved vacation.
This is why unpacking our internal beliefs can help us understand our money behaviors or patterns, and work towards making decisions that are more beneficial to our financial well-being, she said.
Financial health is part of our overall health
As expected, money can be a big stressor for Americans. Just like our physical health, our financial health contributes to our overall well-being.
According to a 2024 Bankrate survey, 47 % of American adults claimed money causes stress and anxiety and negatively impacts their mental health.
According to the survey findings, women are more likely to stress than men, with 51% claiming these financial stressors impact their mental health compared to 42% of men.
When it comes to demographics, Generation X, which includes ages 44 to 59, were more stressed on their financial security compared to millennials and boomers.
One way to help reduce stress is to increase your financial literacy, which might mean challenging a narrative that money is intimidating or complicated, Alyssa said. She recommends being gentle with yourself in the process of examining and rewriting your money stories.
“If you’re trying to shift your money story, my advice is always to come from a place of curiosity,” Alyssa said. “Take your time questioning why you feel a certain way or questioning whether or not what you believe about your money situation is true.”
If your money story is that spending brings up a lot of guilt, for example, she recommends digging into why you feel that way. That’s because when we learn more about our beliefs, we’re better equipped to challenge them.
“Ask yourself if your belief is because of your upbringing, cultural beliefs, or past experiences. Once you understand the root cause, you can start to remind yourself that it can be okay to spend money on things that bring you joy and improve your well-being so long as they fit within your budget,” she said.
When we shift our internal narratives, we can find more opportunities to save money, grow our wealth, or chase opportunities, Alyssa said.
“Shifting negative money stories is crucial because these narratives often hold us back from achieving financial well-being and personal growth. A lot of us also have tunnel vision because we believe what we believe and we don’t know how to change,” she said.
“But as soon as we shift that thinking, we can start to reduce the cognitive load that financial pressures create. And that can help us make more effective financial decisions. "One of the positive stories Alyssa tells herself is that she can be trusted with money. She says this affirmation helps give her a more empowering mindset. “By reinforcing the belief that I am responsible and capable, I build confidence in my ability to manage and grow my finances wisely,” she said.
For more on personal finance topics
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We hope you found this helpful. This article is for informational purposes only and is based on information available as of September 2024 and is subject to change. This content is not intended to be used or acted upon with respect to any client's specific circumstances. For specific advice about your unique circumstances, consider talking with your qualified professionals.